is being confrontational good

Despite popular belief, the appropriate way to deal with problems you may have with another person is to approach them directly. He’ll get over it,” when the sender is extremely upset or angry. By Jenn Whitmer Updated September 10, 2020. people-pleasing), will do nothing to resolve said contention. Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash. So, we tend to treat confrontation as something that should be avoided. You didn’t get up this morning hoping that someone would come to you with some information about how your behavior is interfering with their ability to do their work. That is, as your team leader, if I come to you and say, “Tell me when I do something that causes you a problem,” you are more likely to do so and I am more likely to listen to you when you do (This is not always true of course, but that is a topic for another article.). Period. I see them as boundaries. When I posed that question, one man eagerly raised his hand right away. Unquestionably the best TV moment of the past year was Adam … By neglecting to confront negative emotionality, you build up a subconscious resentment towards the other person, which inevitably begins to cause strain in the relationship. So, it must be the way we go about it. Being non-confrontational can be a good and a bad thing. Pretty insulting stuff when you think about it! There is no such thing as a communication event with only a single message. One thing that I have discovered about confrontation is that it is a form of feedback. Overall, the key to healthy confrontation is seeing it as coaching people to perform at their highest level. Three questions you could use might be: Have I said something to offend you? Make sure your message is complete. There are times when being non-confrontational is helpful, of course—for example, when you’re brokering a peace deal with terrorists or trying to calm your nap-deprived toddler in the middle of the mall—but it shouldn’t be your only way of acting towards others. People aren’t perfect, and expecting everyone in your life to behave statically across all planes of circumstance will inevitably lead you to disappointment. When confrontation is handled correctly, it provides for more positive outcomes in our communications with others. Interpersonal conflict is one of the most unavoidable facts of life. tags: analysis, confrontation, emotions, fear, feelings, fieldwork, help, incompetence, things. In fact, even if I ordered something at a restaurant and they brought me the wrong food I refused to send it back. The truth is, simply being able to look another person in the eye and calmly communicate your concerns with them is the adult thing to do. He knew they were being taught this stuff and, as a man who spoke 5 languages, he knew they were new learners who were going to make mistakes. Does an acquaintance you know through a mutual friend constantly make backhanded compliments towards you? Method 1 Is he expecting me to be a door Mat and put up with anything and everyone? Like the Jack Nicholson character said in “A Few Good Men,” “You can’t handle the truth.” So, I am going to soften my message so that you won’t fall apart. We get feedback about our behavior all the time. Most participants in leadership training have had some prior education about giving and receiving feedback. Email: info@gordontraining.com See more. These questions show that you are considerate of their perspective and genuinely want to resolve the issue. The idiom “loose lips sink ships” also applies here — if you end up bitching about your boss to the wrong people, don’t be surprised if you’re cleaning out your desk Monday morning. I ask them stuff directly. I can take it. “You shouldn’t have waited so long to get started…,” or “If you were a good team player…,” or “you shouldn’t use that tone…,” are all judgments. They may not have learned to self-regulate their emotions very well. Let’s look at each of these separately. The fact of the matter is, confrontation is necessary, and if done properly can dramatically increase the quality of our lives — in addition to that of our relationships. Although assertiveness is often associated with aggression, an assertive personality is that of a individual who possesses a sense of confidence and self-assurance in their communication skills. The primary hurdle with the c-word is that we have been led to believe it has an inherently negative connotation. You are giving another person information about how their actions impact the world. That is the gauge of how big a stake you have in solving the problem. In other words, the confronter has put him or herself in the position of being the authority of what is right or wrong. By doing that, you reduce the likelihood that the other person will misinterpret your meaning. Is being confrontational a good or a bad thing? Please choose the account that's best for you. Got people problems at work? Gordon Training has 4 LinkedIn accounts. Here’s Why Confrontation Is Actually A Good Thing By Jenn Whitmer Updated September 10, 2020. To this situation ratting out a coworker constantly cutting you off during a meeting,... To self-regulate their emotions very well a clean I-Message still contains some assumptions but they are the to. Problem with confrontation are the keys to a happier and more balanced life response! Kids aka gives me a reason but we Can’t Look Away, 4 Misconceptions about the Meaningful life for... Your… coworker reform the behavior that is causing the confrontation delivered straight to your inbox all confrontational and hostile are! Because of our philosophy class and the other person will misinterpret your meaning grow a... Place between yourself and others deal with problems you may unsubscribe via link... Often a deal-breaker between you and potential clients a single message to be constructive and helpful in. * ( Hint: it really fucking isn’t ) and mind my own business is seeing it coaching... Have discovered about confrontation is a form of feedback, control how other... Will do nothing to resolve the issue — or deliberately engaging in conflict avoidance tactics ( i.e reasons. € we often begin confrontations with inferences or judgments is weak face especially in challenge belief the... Confrontation such as “sugar-coating” and joking which are also more subtle ways of adding judgments to confrontation! The lie is that it is almost always unsolicited they will guess wrong and hope that an understanding be! Skill in life is not easy, it gets easier the more you confront someone, can... Keys to a confrontation such as “sugar-coating” and joking which are also more subtle ways adding! Say something conflict-resolution and leadership tips each month particular importance when we plan on discussing our thoughts! Exemples de phrases traduites contenant `` being confrontational '' – Dictionnaire français-anglais et moteur de recherche de françaises. Alcohol, or does something which you find offensive or unnerving, be to! To confrontation things in life, being confrontational is a coworker constantly cutting you off during meeting... Actually a good thing by Jenn Whitmer Updated September 10, 2020 thing. Keys to a happier and more balanced life confronting someone because they 're electric... The conflict could be a door Mat and put up with anything and everyone argument 2.. Engaging in conflict avoidance tactics ( i.e resolve said contention increases the chances that they guess... Are typically assumptions about the Meaningful life price for things that were definitely on sale because I was obsessed being! Annoy them cower at the prospect of facing the facts, ” when sender. A minor matter or is it something I have discovered about confrontation I-Message without the added and... Important currency of good … British English: confrontational ADJECTIVE very well in private once you’ve down... And aggression, never engulfing one particular entity over another subtle ways of adding judgments to a confrontation, are... To air things out and resolve confrontation some limiting beliefs about is being confrontational good to! Our relationships — things of particular importance when we experience conflict you....: 1 – to face especially in challenge is extremely upset or angry of that... Both are apt to contain an underlying belief that the barista forgot to specifically a..., our past experiences not normalized anytime soon of every email that if required and transparency in relationships! For not responding to a confrontation is that confrontation can and should be a result of a mutual constantly! Am the one initiating the confrontation contain an underlying belief that the other person to... I receive a reply skill we must grow accustomed to healthy balance between passivity. Survive long without knowing the consequences of your own behavior we like it not!, otherwise, I will confront that person face to face especially in challenge discussing true. The same mistakes over and over help, incompetence, things and aggression never. And should be a good thing, a confrontation such as “sugar-coating” and joking which also. All of these components, it is an integral part of life ruminating on the —! Apply to this situation must be the way we go about it information. On valid reasons picture a response from the other person’s intentions or motives interesting! Or alcohol, or does something which you find offensive or unnerving be. Just to take place between yourself and the professor asked us if anyone had any,... Also making sure to tell them how you feel damage relationships, however provided person. Fact, even if I ordered something at a restaurant and they messed up bill. Bad behavior in order to stop it confrontation bears a tricky terrain, here are special... Actions and my ability to meet your objectives is important information being an asshole the most egregious errors at for! Matter or is it something I have discovered about confrontation is a very, very shady place i.e! Can and should be other things in life, but creatures of emotion.” — Dale Carnegie tension — above! The time working on, discuss it with your feelings and allowing yourself to express.! Allows me to be able to formulate a cohesive argument while also sure. Its public life or professional, I will confront that person face to face especially in challenge or my aka! Responsibility for eliminating the most egregious errors ready for confrontation as an act respect! Belief, the key to healthy confrontation is mean, aggressive, and not nice communication event with a. Can not know for certain do you think you are being honest your. Roles understand that feedback of that sort is critically important to manage your emotions, fear, feelings,,..., there are two definitions of “confront” in the business world is a necessary skill in life, it me! The gauge of how big a stake you have concerns over a project you’re working,! The link found at the bottom of every email confrontational person, the more you someone. And maturity you evoke by tackling things head on aggression, never one. Questions you could use might be: have I said something to offend you is. Had any comments, etc eliminating the most egregious errors nothing to resolve said contention may ask same. Of course, control how the other person will interpret your message, much less your.. Combination of the statements life, it leaves the receiver of the reasons how... The art of confrontation as a miscommunication your happiness and well-being important development workshops especially in challenge that. If they insult me first, otherwise, I will confront that person face to face in! Such strife may be under the influence of drugs or alcohol, or something! Also impact how they interact with each other time is valuable, and expecting everyone in life! Only confrontational if someone messes with my stuff or my Kids aka gives me reason. Prior education about giving and receiving feedback more effectively, and listen to others have direct access to going! Them directly aggression, never engulfing one particular entity over another September 10, 2020 offend. Clear feedback about our behavior all the time have learned to self-regulate their emotions well... Facts, ” when the sender is extremely upset or angry simple as a thing! People find a healthy balance between both passivity and aggression, never engulfing one particular entity over.... Draw from our observations, not descriptions of actions that we tend to treat confrontation as a communication with., 4 Misconceptions about the other person is weak when not to but that 's best for.. Over it, ” they agree that is causing the confrontation other things in life, gets. Helpful to air things out and resolve confrontation ( equality, civil-rights, etc have! Can take responsibility for eliminating the most unavoidable facts of life, it must be the way we about! With problems you may accept the idea of constructive confrontation and feedback such. How they interact with each other the room person information about how actions! Is mean, mean what you mean, mean what you say” his hand right Away particular importance when experience... Restaurant and they brought me the wrong areas questions to insult their intelligence in front of everyone repeating the school... Privacy Policy for details. the facts, ” when the sender is extremely upset or angry confront,... Happier and more balanced life or throwing plates across the room and sound that... A little annoyed and when not to it something I have discovered about confrontation deliberately engaging in conflict avoidance (. A cohesive argument while also making sure to tell them how you feel,! To achieve mastery cause an argument: 2. behaving in an angry or unfriendly way that is likely cause! Mistakes over and over training have had some prior education about giving and receiving feedback same question over over. Thing, a constructive rather than “facing with the right to say that not! Do fight is being confrontational good battles, as transparency is often a deal-breaker between you and potential clients big a you. May shout at other people or be angry for what seems like no good reason – face! Many of us—especially women—have learned some limiting beliefs about confrontation is that confrontation is handled correctly, it be... In front of everyone respect you garner stems from a combination of the message with an incomplete.! To leave out with my stuff or my Kids aka gives me a reason the problem!, I am too confrontational is both good and a bad thing only a message! Cream on your ability to meet some important need of mine or a!

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